It is late. I almost did not open my computer, and just let sweet sleep engulf. Normally I do not rant about things that make me mad on any form of social media (unless it's for the Tonight Show). But I have something to say. I hope that I can articulate it in a way that is calls it like it is without smacking of female resentment. I do not know who reads this thing and I don't know why you do, but clearly you do because it's getting pageviews. Thanks...I guess.
My sister hates to talk on the phone as a regular thing. So, we keep a near-daily connection going by text. But that's my sister, someone whom I know intimately and have a very established relationship with. Inside jokes in the form of memes and GIFs abound. But when we have something important, something real, to talk about, we talk. We use our vocal chords, our eardrums, our intellects to digest what the other is saying.
Here's my rant. And it is for both guys and girls. Guys, you first. Do not text girls to get to know them. We are living, breathing people who are capable of communicating a lot without words (for better or for worse). It is a full sensory experience to sit across the table from a person-man or woman-whose eyes light up when they are excited, whose mouth does funny things when they are upset, whose whole face contorts when they don't understand what is said. Perhaps that is what is scary, what makes texting more appealing. But if that is true, that texting is more appealing because it does not require focused attention in the way that face-to-face time (I can't say face time, because Apple) does, then something else is also true. That's cowardly.
Guys, you would not text a potential employer to get a job you really, really, wanted. You would not simply email your resume and hope that you hear back. You'd follow it up with a phone call or a personal visit. Or perhaps the other way around-a visit and then follow up. Getting to know a girl is very different than applying for a great job, but what's the same is that you would put effort into making sure you had a chance. You would not waste a chance by communicating indifference about the company because you didn't follow through. Do not waste a chance to get to know a person-forget gender for a moment and think only of personhood, which includes a soul and a mind and a heart-by channeling your cowardice into word bubbles.
Spend real, face-to-face time with this person who happens to be the opposite but same as you in a myriad of ways. If you're interested but not ready to be alone with this opposite-but-same sensory experience, and your circumstances permit, be in groups. Observe. Ask questions. That's a big one...ask questions. While that may communicate more interest than you mean to at the time, if the person (girl or guy) can handle themselves they will take it at face value. Ask them to do something you enjoy with you, or if you're more intent, ask them to do something you think they would enjoy.
Girls, do not settle your affections on a guy whose texts go nowhere. Texting in the beginning should lead to action. Yeah, that's a hard line to draw. But what's the alternative? Months of messaging or texting that dances around flirtation but doesn't require that you both risk something? You are worth more than that. You are not a princess, you are not to be worshipped, but you are worth the risk of time and effort. Do not make excuses for him any more..."He's shy", "He needs to feel that I'm interested", "It's fun". What is fun is to realize that a guy is respecting your worth as person and your time by putting forth effort, and not simply when it is convenient and he can do his laundry too.
This means your expectations of a guy should not include a relationship after the first time you spend time together. The reason, I was told, that many guys go for texting is that girls think that coffee-or a date, if I am allowed to call it that-means that he's ready to commit to you and only you. Not true. Let him watch you, get to know you, and treat you without expecting that he's committed to you. If he's mature, he'll take the next step when its evident that you're both ready. If not, let him go. But PLEASE, for the sake of the rest of us girls who want to be asked out, do not make a date into something it is not.
Christian subculture has this weird way of viewing dating that somehow it is wrong to spend time with someone if it's not "intentional" and headed toward "pursuit". Give that up. What's wrong is aimless dating around to find yourself without care for the other person. Hopefully you know how to avoid that kind of guy. But you will make yourself unreachable if every guy gets the vibe that he has to marry you to get to know you. Taking a date at face value is how we can do our part to help quell this ridiculous phenomenon of cowardly attention-which is what texting without action is. Know that you're worth someone's effort.
Death by text. It's what's happening to our social skills. Let's be alive.
No comments:
Post a Comment